The Power of Words

When you speak to people, do you inadvertently put ideas in their heads that are the complete opposite of what you want them to think?

When I was younger, I often heard the old refrain, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me." When I first started speaking in public, I heard a startling statistic: 55% of what what we communicate comes through our body language, 38% comes from our tone of voice and only 7% were the actual words we used. What a relief! With statistics to back me up, I could say whatever I wanted, provided I smiled and had a pleasant tone of voice.

Wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong! While it is true that a lot of information comes by way of our body language and our voice, it is ludicrous to think that words only represent 7% of our message. NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) teaches how the appropriate use of certain words can change the physical state of a person. In fact, you probably do it fairly often and don't realize it: think of the last time you told a joke and everybody laughed.

An improperly placed word or sentence can ruin a speech. The audience will focus on that part only, and their perception of the entire speech will be tainted.

A colleague of mine once had such an experience. He was conducting a seminar in very conventional setting and he inadvertently uttered a swear word. The meeting planner who had invited him received numerous complaints because of that word. What could have otherwise been a great presentation, turned out to be a dud.

How can you ensure that your words help you instead of having them turn against you? Here are four tactics:

Speak in positives: the human brain cannot process negative information. By that, I mean: "Don't think about an elephant." Go ahead, don't think about a big, grey, hulking elephant. How's that working for you? I suspect you have one of two reactions: either you are thinking of an elephant, or you are thinking about something else. You need to think of something else because you cannot "not think about an elephant."
Mention only what you want them to think about: this is similar to the previous point. I just saw an ad for an insurance company, and the ad says: "Insurance is a) a necessary evil; b) an unnecessary evil; c) a good-for-nothing evil." Someone reading the ad will undoubtedly equate insurance to evil, even if that isn't the ad's intent. In effect, it is sending the opposite message that it wants to convey. And to counter that effect, there is a long paragraph to explain the benefits of insurance. I skipped over it. My reasoning is this: if the company thinks that insurance is evil, why should I read any further?
What would your reaction be?

When people say "Thank you" don't reply "No problem." Instead, reply "It was my pleasure." You do not want people to think about problems when they thank you.
Treat people as humans: Have you ever heard a manager say "I need a three more resources to finish the project?" Using the term "resources" to describe people is demeaning. It pre-supposes that the person is no different than fuel, electricity, and phone lines. Resources can be bought, traded, and disposed of more or less easily. Is that the perception your employees should have about their position in your firm?
Resources cannot be motivated. Resources cannot be reasoned with. Resources can burn out. Are you finding that your employees are not as motivated as you would like them to be? Pay attention to the words you use when describing them or addressing them. Are they the kinds of words that are helping or hindering your efforts?
Beware of emotionally charged words: swearing, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, and other -phobic words can quickly turn an audience against you. Today, it doesn't take much to offend people.
A few years ago, you could be Negro or you could be Black. Today, you are an African-American (in North America, that is). A few years ago, you could be deaf or blind. Today, you are visually or hearing impaired. A few years ago, you were a curmudgeon or a grouch. Today you're humour-challenged. Or something.

While I don't agree with the extensive use of political correctness in our language, it does help us to reframe our thoughts and our words in order to prevent unnecessary arguments. However, sometimes this approach can muddle our message. It may be necessary to use highly emotional words to get a point across. That becomes a judgment call and varies from situation to situation.

My message is simply this: words matter. You can paint a picture with your words, make your audience fly amongst the highest clouds, or drag them through the slimiest muck. Just make sure that when you do so, you do it consciously.